http://www.nytimes.com/2011/10/23/opinion/sunday/will-dropouts-save-america.html?pagewanted=1&ref=opinion
Date published:10/22/2011 Date found: 10/23/2011 Published By: New York Times Auhor: Michael Ellsberg Title: Will dropouts save America?
Thesis: Ellsberg argues that only students who want to be a doctor,lawyer, or other professionals should go to college. He even argues that students should drop out, or not even go to college, to create start up companies.
Language: "I typed these words on a computer designed by apple co-founded by the college drop out Steve Jobs." This is proving that people who drop out of college can be successful.
Language: "America has a shortage of job creators." This states that going yo college does not mean that you will create jobs.
Language:"Simply put, from kindergarten through undergraduate and grad school, you learn very few skills or attitudes that would ever help you start a business." This is worded very sharply and strongly. Again he points out that traditional education will not make you successful or even able to create jobs.
Language:" Assuming that college was responsible for their success gives higher education more credit than it deserves." This is so strong. First Ellsberg is saying that Students who are likely to succeed are also likely to go to college. Therefor saying that college was key to their success is a misnomer. Ellsberg clearly does not believe in college. He clearly thinks that the power of college so to speak is a myth.
diction: "and nurtured by the degreeless Sean Parker."Here Ellsberg is still talking about other successful people with out a degree. I think the word degreeless is very strong. Instead of saying a man with out a degree he choose degreless. It drives home the point better.
diction:"one thing is clear: our current educational system is acting as the brakes. "
diction: "But, beyond regulated fields like these, the focus on higher education as the only path to stable employment is profoundly misguided, exacerbated by parents who see the classic professions as the best route to job security." Profoundly is a very strong word. He could have left it out or else he could have said a poorly misguided.
details: "The National Bureau of Economic Research found that nearly all net job creation in America comes from start-up businesses, not small businesses per se." Research has found that start up businesses are job creators specifically.
details: "Skills like sales, networking, creativity and comfort with failure." These are specific skills. They are details that make up a good business person.
details: "You don't need a degree (and certainly not an M.B.A.)" The details of a good business person do include a college degree. And they certainly do not include degrees of higher degrees.
Make sure you spell check before you publish your work. This article was interesting, and it's good that you chose it. However, your thesis should always explain what you're going to examine ( DIDLS) and should clearly state that these are the techniques you are using to support your argument.
ReplyDeleteWow, you have used a lot of examples here, great job! You explained some of them but not other quotes, why? I think that you should work on incorporating textual examples, such as the ones you found here, in your actual papers as well. Do you personally agree with the authors point of view on this topic?
ReplyDeleteOkay. Lesse. Firstly, you need to put your examples and everything in paragraph form, not just list them out. It kills the fluency.
ReplyDeleteSecondly, your sentences are choppy and very opinionated. Yes, while you're supposed to be talking about how this effects this and creates meaning, you're not supposed to do it in an 'in your face' sort of way. Also try to elaborate on your sentences because short choppy sentences are made to be dramatic but more than a couple of them become annoying and unprofessional as if you're reading a third grader's writing.